I don't know about y’all but this past week has been a doozy for Ol’ Dutch and Miss Trixie. It's not unrecognized by me that I complain a lot about being too busy. I would, however, have traded a double busy week for the one we just had. 

Somehow or another Ol’ Dutch came in contact with some germs and they attached themselves to me like ticks on an old coon dog. And, boy, did they take out their vengeance sucking the very lifeblood from me. I not only felt bad but looked like death warmed over to which Miss Trixie says, “Amen.” 

I am not sure if it was just an old-fashioned head cold or the dreaded cedar fever that goes around near our winter abode, or something else. It pretty well wiped me out for a few days. It made me miserable enough that I plan on spraying all the cedar trees on my ranch and never leaving home again.  

Miss Trixie seemed immune to whatever had clamped onto Ol’ Dutch like a crawdad on careless fingers but she finally did get some aches and pains, too. 

The more I think about it the pains seemed to start about the time of the Grammy Awards on the TV as it blared into our otherwise peaceful abode seemingly non-stop for what seemed like 24 hours straight. And from the looks of the dresses worn, or shall we say not worn by the participants of that event, I am sure not just a few of them probably came down with chest colds at the least. 

Ol’ Dutch has often said as much skin as they show on there that they may as well go topless and this year my statement did come true as one gal just let it all hang out. Oh, she had a top on, but it was hung from her chest protrusions with clamps on the most tender parts so she may as well just gone without. 

And as you know, most of the women on there have had so many face lifts, tucks, injections, ablations and other cosmetic surgeries they look like an over taut canvas just waiting for something to give way. The one thing you notice about them is their mouths do not move when they speak as they have been drawn up tight enough to hold in the sagging jaws and cheeks. 

So fast forward this week to when Ol’ Dutch got the grunge and good old Miss Trixie decided to make some yummy chicken and dumplings. Ever the great cook that she is, she soon had a piping hot bowl of the creamy goodness on my lap dutifully warning me to “watch out, it's terribly hot.” I guess she forgot her words of warning, though, as the next thing I know she had scalded her lips and mouth with those noodly concoctions. 

Poor Miss Trixie had burned herself silly and it seemed to freeze her mouth in a tight, unmoving position even if she spoke. Just like the celebrities we had recently watched on the Grammys but without the accompanying millions in the bank. Now I knew that she had always been a fan of “the swells” – the people who think they are swell – but I never knew she might go to such an extreme measure to emulate them and their facelifts. 

I have to congratulate her on the results although the method may be questionable albeit “cheap.” It also has limited the amount she talks every day, and I believe she is down to about 20,000 words due to the pain involved in speaking. 

Here's to better days ahead for Ol’ Dutch as I recover and to better days ahead for Miss Trixie as her home facelift wears off and she can resume her endless yapping.  

Man am I gonna pay for that last line.  

Kevin Kirkpatrick spends his days fishing, hunting, ATVing, hiking or making people laugh. His email is Kevin@TroutRepublic.com. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.