It seems every day I get a notice from one of the credit bureaus informing me of a change in my credit report. And with the Internet being what it is, Ol’ Dutch can pop on there and check it every day, every hour or I suppose every minute if I wanted to. Some people are enrolled in pay to view their credit report to track their credit score but whomever is in charge of all that billing must have known that I am too tight to pay and thus made my viewing free. 

My bank has seen fit to attach that little line item to my online banking and after a short session with the bank's computer where I could not remember my password to save my life, I got into my most recent credit report. It was with great disappointment, though, that I accessed this information as the promised “rise” in credit rating had somehow just stayed the same. 

Perusing the online pages I did see a place where the all knowing OZ of the banking world was willing to show me how to raise that dad-blasted stagnant score. So I took the bait and asked. What was most surprising to me is that the recommendations from the all seeing and knowing online finance gods, was that Ol’ Dutch needed to borrow more money. 

Now, I don't know about you but not having debt seems to be a worthy goal to chase so adding more debt just seems like a bunch of poppycock. (Isn't that word fun to say?) 

Back to the online enticement. If I dutifully filled in the blanks on the forms saying how much I would like to borrow for a new truck and maybe apply for a new credit card, then it would tell me how much my credit score would improve. 

My poor laptop – which has seen better days and is held together with scotch and blue painters tape – began grinding away, applying algorithms and calculations to my mythical new borrowing life. Finally the number crunching came to a halt and the little miser from the credit bureau spit out my projected new score: down seven points. So much for that. 

Ol’ Dutch is starting to wonder now if the god of debt is really just a conspiring demon that sucks the very lifeblood from whomever he can. And I guess the Bible does talk about the old Devil himself being like a roaring lion, going about seeking whom he can destroy. So there is that. I politely declined any further indebtedness from the willing bank but old Sneaky Snake wasn't quite done with me yet.  

Miss Trixie and I did our usual Sunday shuffle to the soccer games for Grand #2 and included a few errands to round out our day. Of course no stop is complete at my age without a trip to the bathroom as the coffee is usually starting to catch up with me from my morning imbibing marathon of good black rich wholesomeness of The Bean.  

So there I was just minding my own “business” and easing up to the porcelain throne when what did assault my eyes? None other than an advertisement for an easy credit card taped on the wall above the fixture. I guess I have to admit that maybe having something to read while standing there was better than nothing but I began to realize just how subtle and not so subtle the attack is on our finances. 

For everywhere we go, every time we log on the Internet, half the emails we get, and sale brochures from every Tom, Dick and Harry store we are inundated with offers of free credit cards and accounts. Now we have talked about the old Devil already on here and I guess what applies mostly about him in this situation is the old saying that “the Devil is in the details.” Which means sooner or later he comes calling for those borrowed funds and then there is actual hell to pay.  

I guess Ol’ Dutch needs to just quit watching that confounded credit rating rise and fall as there seems to be no rhyme or reason to the madness. I always wondered why my Dad’s last stop before leaving the house was the john. Maybe he was tired of the reading material provided at the stores, too.  

Kevin Kirkpatrick spends his days fishing, hunting, ATVing, hiking or making people laugh. His email is Kevin@TroutRepublic.com. Additional news can be found at www.troutrepublic.com or on Twitter at TroutRepublic.