Never seen a wedding at a boat ramp


Spring has sprung down here in Texas where Ol’ Dutch and Miss Trixie spend our winters. In fact, it may have just sprung right past Spring and headed into an early summer as temperatures today are going to be North of 90 degrees. One thing you will find wherever you are on the Great Plains is that if you do not like the weather, you can wait 24 hours and it will usually change. And that can mean using the heater one day and air conditioning the next, which is what has occurred here where we are.

Many of you know Miss Trixie has been stuck in Amarillo for going on 13 weeks now taking care of her dad who had open heart surgery and complications. And that left Ol’ Dutch to fend for himself. So far there has not been one casserole dropped off at my door by the eligible widow women around the area so I guess they still think Miss Trixie will return and claim my pension.

I think the hardest part of all about having Trixie gone is I have a hard time filling my days without someone telling me what to think and what to do. So, I have had to resort back to bachelor day thinking and that of course meant more fishing.

Number one son Bub’s and Grand #1 and #2 have been going to the lake recently and Ol’ Dutch is lucky enough to get to tag along. What is best of all is we have gone full circle as now all I have to do is show up and he has lunch, snacks, drinks, fishing rods, tackle, and a boat. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be able to get even for all the days I took him afield when he was growing up, providing all his gear and food and boat for the day but here I am, enjoying being old.

If you have ever had a boat, you understand just what exactly that world stands for. BOAT is “break out another thousand” as they are cranky to crank and temperamental requiring vast inputs of cash and time. Bubs finally has a good boat unlike the ones we had in his youth and so it is nice to be able to go back on the lake and have it start on the first try.

This means a person can spend time fishing instead of swearing and working on the boat at the ramp. And there is not a time that goes by when we arrive that I am not thankful for that. But one thing you will notice if you sit at a boat ramp long enough is it is a real insight into people's mental state. Just last week was a prime example of that as I arrived early at the lake and got to watch the loading and unloading of boats from the water.

Of course, some went off without a hitch, but others turned into full blown family fights, accidents, trying to fix them, swearing, yelling, and a few spankings of naughty children. There is nothing more stressful to a marriage I do not believe than a husband and wife trying to back a trailer into the lake. Usually this entails the husband sitting in the boat hollering at the wife as she tries her best to guide a boat into the water.

Of course, this could be avoided if the husband backs the trailer in and lets his wife drive the boat, but that would border on mutiny as he sees himself as the captain of the ship. Eventually they get the darned thing in the water and head out for a day on the lake with the kids spanked and cross looks on their faces. Oh, the joys of family time.

And while we have seen weddings take place anywhere from mountain tops, to streamside, to even the local Walmart store, I can honestly say I have never heard of a wedding occurring at said public venue. But if you are getting weary of the one you are with, I recommend buying a boat this weekend as more divorces start at a boat ramp than anywhere else in the world. Get out there, enjoy the sun and take an attorney along.

Kevin Kirkpatrick and his Yorkie, Cooper, fish, hunt, ATV, or hike daily. His email is Additional news can be found at